I'd like to tell you the story of the fourth of May. To fully appreciate the story, you'll need to recall that my wife revels in obsessive compulsive behavior. She cannot knowingly allow herself to be surprised and she cannot for the life of her keep a secret.
The condition is hereditary.
I tried to surprise her once when we were dating with an unannounced weekend visit. I coordinated the surprise with her sisters, who in turn told their dad, who in turn blabbed about the whole thing to Jen. My only redemption was that she didn't believe him, it was too fantastic of a tale!
So in my house, no big news goes unannounced, not for a second. The fourth of May, aside from being the day before my mom's birthday, is the day that changed.
About an hour before I left work I got a call from Jen, as I often do when it gets close to quitting time. She was calling to see when I would be leaving and to tell me she and K were going to take a nap. That was my signal not to call them on my way home. I arrived home to find everyone in bed. The fourth of May was a Monday, and as you know they often become Martini Mondays, so a nap sounded good to me too. I think it was about an hour later, I was just starting to get my sleep on when Kaitlyn woke up. Jen went to get her and I started to doze back off when suddenly both mother and daughter were front and center next to me at the bed.
K was performing her usual "I'm so happy to see my daddy home from work" routine, which is a kind of modified Happy Dance. I sat up to receive my precious princess but Jen kept holding her at a distance, smiling. I thought this a little odd but I just kept waving and smiling and talking to Kaitlyn, waiting for mommy to let her come see her favorite daddy. Finally Jen asked me if I liked Kaitlyn's new shirt (the one she's wearing in the picture above).
Daddy: When did she get a new shirt? And who the hell approved that expense?
Mommy: "We went to Babies 'R Us today."
Daddy: "Oh you did, did you?"
And just as I was spooling up for paragraph two of my "the child has more clothes than I do" speech,Jen asked me if I saw what the shirt said. Obviously not, I was still on the fact that she bought her yet another article of clothing. Why are they always trying to change the subject? Besides, I'm the daddy, if the child is clothed, I'm happy. If she's wearing the Gettysberg Address on her clothing, that's mommy's department. To keep the peace, I read the shirt.
Daddy: "She can't wear that."
Mommy: "Yes she can."
Daddy: "No, she CAN'T!" (what, does she think I'm dumb or something?)
Mommy: "Yes, SHE CAN!"
Daddy: "Wait...what?"
So now you know and you more or less found out the way I did. But the most amazing part--apparently Jen CAN keep a secret. What's more, she waited a whole six days before we told the grandparents.
And that was the fourth of May.
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